q. Dear Dr. Brothers: I have a concern about my shopping habits. I need you to tell me if I should change, or if what I am doing is harmless and nothing to worry about. I find myself buying shoes at least once or twice a month. This seems to happen after I have a fight with my husband or an especially bad day at the office. It makes me feel better to try on shoes at a couple of stores and buy one or two pairs. I don’t always tell my hubby (he says we need to cut back), and I sometimes feel guilty or depressed later. I usually wear only one or two pairs of my favorite old sneakers or flip-flops. Please tell me your honest opinion.
—P.G..
a.Dear P.G.: My honest opinion is that you have a problem with compulsive shopping. It doesn’t matter what you are buying, really. Some people go nuts at thrift stores or rummage sales, while others who can afford it buy luxury items—I know one executive who owns 17 cars! But most of us fall somewhere in between, and you have found an item that is fun to shop for, easy to store (hide from hubby) and—so far—easy to get away with. This can change suddenly, and depending on you and your husband’s careers and financial status, you could find yourself in trouble. You seem to be aware that you are using shopping for shoes as a form of self-medicating, to make yourself feel better when something in your life has produced too much anxiety. I see that this self-realization worries you, so I believe you probably are ready for a program that can help you quit this potentially dangerous habit and bring your shopping back to within normal limits. You’ll feel better about yourself if you do, and will be better able to face your problems.
